U.S. States - the Bad & the Ugly

Tolstoy opened Anna Karenina with the line that “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” It’s just the opposite with state flags. Here, let me explain …

As we saw last week, the best state flags (the “happy” ones) have all sorts of different designs and colors and looks. The worst ones (the “unhappy ones”)? Well, they’re pretty much all navy blue, with a seal or coat of arms in the middle. 

The very worst ones also feel they have to include text explaining just whose flag this is. I mean they’re all pretty much the same, right? Might as well just spell it out.

Here let me show you …


#10  Nebraska

So, here’s our basic pattern – navy blue; some busy, lame-o seal; lots of text. This one stands out for the incredible amount of text and the very limited use of color (basically, gold and grey).

Interestingly, Nebraska went without a state flag for 58 years – from 1867 to 1925. You’d think they could have come up with something a little more creative in that time, wouldn’t you?

Fun note …  The Nebraska flag was covered in The Big Bang Theory’s Fun with Flags. Nebraska is where special guest star Penny is from.


#9  Utah

   
Ooh, a circle!

And, yes, that is a beehive. It represents the early settlers – busy, productive, self-sufficient, and industrious.

The Salt Lake Tribune held a contest in 2001 to come up with a new flag. The new design is still dark blue, but at least the seal and text are gone:

Just don’t hold your breath waiting for the state legislature to adopt it, okay?

#8  Maine

Starting to get bored? 

Yup, it’s blue. Yup, it’s got a coat of arms. Yup, the name of the state is spelled out. Bingo!

Just in case you were wondering, that is indeed a moose laying down in front of a pine tree. “Dirigo”? It’s Latin for “I direct.” What exactly were they directing? Not so sure.


#7  Idaho

Here we are, four flags in, and I’m running out of witty things to say.

Just in case you missed it, “State of Idaho” is repeated twice on this baby. The seal includes a miner, an elk, a lady, some flowers, some wheat, a river, some mountains, a big tree, two cornucopias … By the way, it’s the only state seal designed by a woman!


#6  Vermont

Vermont gets extra points for not putting “Vermont” all over their flag. That has to be one of the lamest coats of arms I’ve ever seen though. There’s a tree. There’s some wheat. There’s some blue mountains. There’s a red cow. There’s a yellow sky. Hey, that’s kinda weird too …

Interestingly, Vermont did not always have such a boring flag. Up until 1923, Vermont’s flag was a very distinctive variant of Old Glory itself. 

#5  Kentucky

I think we’ve passed some kind of borderline here.

First, the state seal appear to be two guys. That’s it. Also, the state name is all spelled out. That means it’s in a font that no one can read unless they’re standing 2 feet away. That’s goldenrod down underneath there, by the way. Ahchoo!

Wikipdedia tells me that the North American Vexillological Association (i.e., bunch of flag nerds) ranked this baby #66 out of 72 state, territorial, and provincial flags. I’m thinking the six it beat can be found right here on this page as well.


#4  Kansas

And now we have the flags that are so lame and non-descript that their citizens felt they had to spell out the state name in big block letters. 

The seal is a tad on the busy side. In the space of a large pizza, it manages to portray all of the following:

In the foreground of the seal is a farmer plowing his field. A little further up is a wagon train with oxen-drawn schooners headed westward. Beyond these pioneers are Native Americans hunting bison.… The seal also includes a steamboat churning its way down the Kansas River ... Above the plains in the state seal are rolling hills and above them, 34 stars representing Kansas's entry into the United States' expanding family of states. Above the stars is the state motto, Ad Astra per Aspera, Latin for "To the Stars Through Difficulties." (Kansas Living)

I think that’s a kitchen sink in one of those prairie schooners.


#3  Montana

I’m so glad I can read. If I couldn’t, I’d swear we were still in Kansas.

You’re not going to believe this, but both the Montana and Kansas flags had previous versions that were exactly the same as they are now, but without the state names.

Montana’s NAVA rank?  70th of 72. We’re getting closer!


#2  Wisconsin

Once again, this originally started out without any lettering. Not to be outdone by Kansas and Montana, though, Wisconsin not only added the state name, but they also threw in the year it was founded as well. Wisconsinites are kind of creative that way.

That’s a sailor and a miner, by the way. And in the bottom right? Why, it’s a “pyramid of pig lead,” of course.

NAVA rank?  65th!  


#1  Oregon

Navy blue? Check. Lots of text, including the state name spelled out? Check. Incredibly busy state of arms? Well, how about some mountains, an elk, a wagon, the Pacific Ocean, a “British man-of-war departing and an American steamer arriving,” some wheat, a plow, a pickax, and an eagle? Would that do it for you? You betcha!

Now, you wouldn’t happen to be able to do all that using just a single other color, now would you? I sure can. Hey, I think we have a winner!

By the way, Oregon has the only state flag with a different front (obverse) and back (reverse):

And of course it’s a beaver.

Dishonorable Mention

• New Hampshire
• Michigan
• Minnesota
• New York
• Connecticut
• Pennsylvania
• Delaware
• S. Dakota
• Minnesota

More links:

• Good US state flags
• US state flag trivia quiz
• US cities
• International
• Countries
• Site intro