Bad Country Flags – Those Boring Brits

It’s not a nation known for their creativity in graphic design. It is, however, a nation known – at one time, at least – for ruling most of the world. Put the two together, and you very soon run out of good ideas for flags for all the places you’re conquering and administering.

What’s an empire to do? How about a basic design that is repeated over and over and over? Yup. We can check that one off the old imperial to-do list.


Turks & Caicos

Here’s your basic look. It’s the “blue ensign” with a coat of arms or badge for the conquered territory in question.

I like this one for two reasons. First, there’s the total paucity of imagination for the design of the coat of arms. It’s basically an oddly mustardy yellow background with some random things arranged on it. 

And what those three random things are is not exactly crystal clear. In the upper left, we have a conch shell. Believe me, it’s a conch shell, okay? In the top right? Well, you got me, bro. (Turns out it’s really just some sort of crustacean.) The bottom? It’s a shuttlecock, from a badminton set, of course. (It’s actually just some kind of cactus.)


Bermuda

A much rarer variant on the same theme uses the “red ensign” (typically used for merchant ships). Canada most famously used one of these before adopting the maple leaf.

What I like about this one in particular is the rather lame rendition of the lion. My guess is it won some contest for elementary school students. Not that the picture on the shield, of a shipwreck, is any great shakes either, mind you.

That shipwreck actually represents how the island was settled. Seems the Virginia Company sent a ship, the Sea Venture, to resupply the colonists on Roanoke Island, in North Carolina. News flash: they didn’t make it.

Interestingly, news of that wreck was what inspired Shakespeare to write The Tempest. Honestly, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.


New Zealand

And in certain very special cases, you get to use something other than a lame little coat of arms. Of course, all this really amounted to was a handful of stars (representing the constellation called the Southern Cross). Further, you’d have to share that flag with your next-door neighbor. To be honest, I really don’t know how New Zealand and Australia tell themselves apart.


New Guinea

Just to show that it was actually a lot worse in the past. This is the flag for what is now Papua New Guinea (or, at least the New Guinea part). Ironically, their current flag made it onto my top 10 list. BTW, lots more where this one came from. I'll spare you.


British Indian Ocean Territory

What’s all this then?

You might know this as the Chagos Islands … Diego Garcia? Peros Banhos? Middle of the Indian Ocean? Ah, never mind.

You’ll be happy to know that this crazy, psychedelic hallucination is actually a modern creation, dating back only to 1990. Wikipedia says that “the origin or meaning of the wavy lines is unknown.” Actually, that’s not quite true. These appear on the colony’s coat of arms, and are a traditional heraldic representation of the waves – hence, the sea, which pretty much describes 99.9% of the British Indian Ocean Territory.


Niue

Wow! It’s like they got the guy who designed the cover of the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album to do this one. All we need is the Fab Four posing in their brightly colored uniforms, looking stoned out of their minds, over on the right.

Wikipedia is positively dismissive of this one, saying that, “It is very unusual for a flag based on a British design, in having not only a yellow background, but also a defaced Union Jack in the canton.”

Looks like we have the Kiwis to blame. Turns out the yellow represents “the bright sunshine of Niue and is also said to symbolize the warm feelings of the Niuean people towards New Zealand and her people.” The defaced union jack represents the Southern Cross (see above). 

What’s the connection with NZ? Once again, according to Wikipedia, Niue is a “self-governing state in free association with New Zealand, and New Zealand conducts most of its diplomatic relations on its behalf.” As you may have already guessed, Nieu is a tiny, barely-there Pacific atoll, somewhat (but not incredibly) close to NZ.


Guernsey

My eyes! My eyes!

This train wreck of the Union Jack, cross of St. George, and something you might see at a NASCAR race is not the current flag of Guernsey (one of the Channel Islands, BTW). Instead, it dates back to the middle of the 19th Century. There is actually some question whether this one was really official.


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Bad Country Flags – Boring Commies

Those wild and crazy commies. Their choice in flags reminds me of that famous quote from Henry Ford, “Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants so long as it is black.” Yup, it’s any color you want, as long as it’s painted the color of the blood of the revolutionary martyrs.


#5  Kampuchea

Democratic Kampuchea was around for four short years. This flag was flying for three of those. A slight variant flew for 10 years for the People’s Democratic Republic. 

Interestingly, that thing in the middle represents the temples of Angkor Wat, and has appeared on every Cambodian flag back to the middle of the 19th Century. More traditional designs have combined those two elements with various swaths of blue:

#4  Soviet Union

Needless to say, a lot of these flags are going to be historical. Communism just isn’t as popular as it used to be, is it?

Yup, this is where it all started. The ol’ Hammer and Sickle. Cute, ain’t it?

You probably know that the hammer represents the workers and the sickle represents the peasants. You probably didn’t know that the red symbolizes socialism and rebellion in general, dates back all the way to the French Revolution, and was also a very popular color in traditional Russian culture.

This baby flew from 1923 to 1980.


#3  China

Red just so happens to be an extremely popular color in traditional Chinese culture as well. In fact, the combination with yellow is supposed to be particularly lucky and auspicious.

Interestingly, this one was actually the result of a contest, put on by the snappily named Preparatory Committee of the New Political Consultative Conference. One Zeng Liansong was the big winner. 

The big star traditionally represents the Communist party. The four stars around represent the four classes of China – peasants, workers, bourgeoisie, and patriotic capitalists. Another interpretation is the dominant Han race as the big star and the Manchurians, Mongolians, Tibetans, and Muslims as the four little stars. 

And, yes, it still is in use today.


#2  Dem. Rep. of the Congo

Another historical item, this flag flew from 1969 to 1991. The DRC is now more familiarly known as Congo-Brazzaville. BTW, that’s a hammer and a hoe (instead of the ol’ hammer and sickle).

Here’s what they’re going with these days, by the way:

#1  Vietnam

There are many other historical and regional flags that ring the changes on this same boring overall pattern. I’ll spare you – and close out with this total snoozer.

Honestly, what is there to say? This baby seems to be the epitome, the sine qua non, the apotheosis, of boring commie design. 

This one dates all the way back to 1940 (and, of course, is still in use). Interestingly, this color combination is a traditional one for Vietnam as well – in particular, of the kingdom of Annam, one of the 3 kingdoms that made up traditional French Indochina and by far the largest:

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Bad Country Flags – Flag or Christmas Sweater?

Though I could come up with only one post for good international flags, I’ve got at least 10 posts worth of bad ones.  Seeing as it’s the Christmas season, let’s get started with these …


Flag or Christmas Sweater?

Something tells me this is a former Soviet republic thing.

Indeed, these three were all formerly part of the Soviet Union. The patterns might have more to do with Oriental carpets however. 

They may also be something of a reaction against the incredibly boring – and rather arbitrary – flags these guys sported during the Soviet era. 


Belarus

Interestingly, though, the flag of Belarus was exactly the same – except for the inclusion of the good ol’ hammer and sickle of course.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about that festive thing over on the left:

A decorative pattern, designed in 1917 by Matrena Markevich, is displayed on the hoist of the flag (as it was previously, on the 1951 flag). The pattern, derived from local plants and flowers, is a traditional type commonly used in Belarus. These patterns are sometimes used in woven garments, most importantly in the traditional rushnik – a woven towel used for ceremonial events like religious services, funerals, and other social functions.

The red is a traditional color. In fact, a more traditional flag sports white, red, and white horizontal stripes:

Kazhakstan

That thing over on the left seems to get referred to over and over again as the “national ornamental pattern.” Catchy that. It’s also called a koshkar-muiz, which literally means “the horns of the ram.” I don’t know – I’m not sure I see it.

That’s an eagle, by the way. Under the sun there. I have no idea what they call that.

Curious about that old Soviet number? How about this for boring:

Turkmenistan

Yup, this one really is a carpet. Seriously.

By the way, intricate patterns like this are popular in Muslim culture because of the Koranic prohibition upon images. 

The crescent moon is also a common Muslim symbol, occurring in no less than 11 flags. It dates back to the Ottoman conquest of Constantinople, when the sultan saw this in the night sky and took it as a good omen. 

That was just the one star though. It’s funny how many have multiple, typically arranged in nice, geometrical patterns that you’d never see in the actual night sky.

And here’s Turkmenistan’s equally soporific Soviet-era snoozer:

Honestly, do you think the Kazhaks and Turkmen could even tell these apart?


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Country Flags - Good

Alright, it’s time to go abroad. I’m going to start with the nice ones. And that’s just this one post. Don’t worry, though, there will be plenty of posts for the bad ones.


#10  Barbados

What I like about this one is its simplicity, but also its distinctiveness. The basic structure is a tricolor, popularized by France and seemingly on half the countries across the globe. Okay, it’s really more like a bicolor, but that’s actually a pretty unusual variant (I can think of only Nigeria and Peru off the top of my head).

Further, the colors themselves are also rather different (I can only think of Sweden this time). They are, however, also very representative of the Caribbean island itself, symbolizing the blue of the sea and the golden sand of its beaches. 

And, finally, there’s that trident. Who else has one of those? What could be more simply evocative of the sea though? As a final touch, that trident is also a play on words of the country’s name. A trident could also be called … a barb! Get it?


#9  Swaziland

Hard to believe, but this baby was on somebody else’s 10 worst list. (By the way, they show a variant with a much darker blue.  And I do have to agree that that does not work anywhere near as well.). 

Personally, I just like the colors and that wonderful shield. BTW, that shield is a traditional Swazi number. It’s been on the flag all the way back to 1894. 


#8  Sri Lanka 

There are so many distinctive things about this one:

• That great lion
• That unique maroon (dark red? carnelian?) 
• The overall yellow border
• The length
• The two colors at the hoist

By the way, the original flag was just the right two-thirds – the stylized lion, the leaves, and the golden border. This was, in fact, the original flag of the kingdom of Ceylon, before the Brits took over. The green and orange were added latter, for the country’s two main ethnic groups, Muslims and Tamils. Unfortunately, those two never really did get along.


#7  Korea

Wow! So simple. So distinct. 

For example, let’s take a look at that white background. What other country has one of those? (Well, Cyprus does, but they’re kinda not a real country these days.)

Now, how about those symbols? I’m sure you recognize the yin-yang symbol. The others are called kwae, and represent various four-fold thingies such as the four seasons, the four compass points, the four elements (earth, air, fire, and water), and the Four Freshman (kidding about that last one).


#6  Philippines

There’s only two other flags out there (the Czech Republic and Djibouti, by the way) that does that cool thing with the triangle and the two stripes.  Kinda cool, huh?

Of course, the Filipinos have those Czechs and Eritreans beat bigtime with that awesome sun and stars (that’s what they are, right?). BTW, those (and the overall design) came from a relative of the famous Filipino freedom fighter Emilio Aguinaldo, and date all the way back to 1898.


#5  Panama

Hmm, am I detecting a theme here? Yup, it’s another play on Old Glory. 

Sorry about that, but I gotta admit, this one is just so perfect. How many other flags are divided up quarterly like that? And look at that perfect balance. This one just rocks.

No great origination story for this one, unfortunately. The traditional story, though, is that the colors represent the 1900 Panamanian equivalent of blue states and red states.


#4  Central African Republic

An interesting one (hey, what’s with the red stripe?), but also one with a great story behind it. Let me explain …

So, first, check out those colors. Red, white, and blue, right? Hmm, aren’t those the colors of their colonial masters, la belle France? And red, green, and yellow? Why, aren’t those the pan-African colors? And what color do both of those have in common? Why, red, of course! Genius! Absolutely genius.


#3  Guyana

Talk about unique … Nope, nobody even comes close to this. 

What makes this extra-special, super-good, though, is that it was designed by my hero – Whitney Smith himself. 

Interestingly, the original design lacked those fimbriations (the white and black bits). They were added later by the Royal College of Arms, for some reason. I like it.


2  Papua New Guinea

Like some of these here, it’s rather an obscure country. But it’s a damn nice flag. Think of some of the interesting things going on here:

• Square shape
• Triangular scheme
• Black and red color scheme
• Cool bird of paradise
• Southern Cross (tying PNG to Australia and New Zealand)

Interestingly, this beauty was designed by an 18-year-old local.


1  UK

Am I biased? Why, yes, I am. It’s where I’m from.

That said, this thing is just so darn awesome. Yeah, it’s pretty darn complex. But, wow, does it hang together. I honestly can’t think of a more iconic flag out there.

You may already know this, but the:

• White X and blue background are for Scotland
• Red cross and white border are for England
• Red X and white border are for Ireland (I know, that one’s a little weird and made up)

Honorable Mention

• Brazil
• Kenya
• Zambia
• Seychelles
• Faeroe Is.
• France
• Jamaica
• Malta
• Trinidad & Tobago
• Dominican Rep.

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